The never ending wait

It’s Wednesday, we arrived back in Australia early Friday morning in time for Monday’s “big” appointment with the oncologist. I won’t draw it out. The appointment was a fizzer. Turns out the biopsy of the met in the groin showed nothing – no necrotized tissue and no cancer – just nothing. A complete waste of time. So they said we need to go and get a snip of the host cancer – the pancreas. This is what they had hoped to avoid, primarily because Pat’s pulmonary embolisms make it a little more risky than the surgeons would like. So the biopsy by endoscopy was rescheduled for today at 7.30. A LONG wait and the insertion of the cannula, all for naught. They were too busy today and didn’t get around to Pat’s biopsy.. they also didn’t mention it until he’d waited 5 hours total (3 in a bed with a cannula in). So we go back tomorrow. Disappointed doesn’t begin to describe my feelings about the public health system here in Australia. I wish we’d been able to get all this done in Thailand, but alas, it wasn’t to be.


Pat’s health continues to be good. He’s struggling with breathing at times but the oncologist attributes that to the embolism, not to the cancer – so that’s good news. Our hope is to get him active, with a daily walk with the kids to a local playground. It’s not much but at least it’s getting him outside in the fresh air and sunshine. Mentally it’s a struggle. Pat is reluctant to go outside, he’s concerned that people “know” and they “look at him with knowing eyes”. He feels this is because he’s lost “so much weight” and “looks pale”. In reality, he’s lost 4kg since May 5, 3kg of that was in the first week in hospital in Thailand, so 1kg isn’t too bad. As an outsider, I am concerned at how little Pat eats. He’s never been a big eater, but he’s particularly light at times now. That being said, there are other days when he eats well, so I guess it depends on the day – just like the rest of us!!


I think having us here is good for everyone. Together we face this monster as a team. The kids are great for brightening mood and providing ongoing distraction and comic relief. Cha is Poppy’s girl and I’m so glad they are getting to spend these moments together.


On the weekend Poppy showed the kids how to feel the rainbow lorikeets who come to visit his balcony most days. A truly memorable moment.19105954_10154441485902046_5656701965457848446_n


Tomorrow we were scheduled to go to Playschool Live, but with the biopsy being delayed, it looks like it might just be me and the kids. As time progresses, I’m hoping to plan more of these memorable moments, I just hope I can get Pat to buy in and join us.


Today I cleaned the house, sounds small but it gave me a sense of purpose. It felt good to contribute while Trent and Pat were at the hospital. Of course, Pat called me “a bugger of a kid” which is his favourite way to deal with any act of kindness on my part. Love this. Tears are always close, and I feel that maybe Pat feels or knows more than he’s letting on, but for now, things are seemingly stable and we have room to be hopeful that at the very least we may have a few more months f memory making, but, who knows, maybe we an beat this monster!


Before I leave.. an oldie I found on the wall.. 2006, back when we lived in Singapore








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